Moving Forward

FYI, this is a pretty depressing post. It's our blog, meant to record our life as it happens. This is as real as it gets.

In all honesty, it has been a tough few weeks. Since Irma passed, we had thought our boat was repairable and looked forward to returning to the islands and helping out where needed. Jared flew out to Puerto Rico with a lot of supplies and was waiting for a vessel to take him over the next day.
He was going to deliver the supplies, secure our boat, rescue Sunshine (our dog) and help out as needed. We should learn to stop making plans.

Maria was forming and heading our way. The second hurricane within a week. Another Cat 5. Jared flew back to Maine, where we are staying temporarily with friends to wait out the storm. He booked a flight to head back a few days after.

It was during this waiting period we got word that Maria had caused further damage and our boat was now sinking. It had come off the seawall and the starboard side was going under. Someone had stolen all our fenders and who knows what else off the boat.  Despite all efforts to contact the marina and a salvage company, no one would help us. We've called, emailed, texted and nothing. The only response is "maybe we can get to it, but no promises". The marina manager stated they could not move any boats without a surveyor signing off. Our previous surveyor was on site and could do the job, but our insurance denied this, stating they had to use their own. This delay caused us to lose our home!

If something had been done to secure RoundAbout before Maria hit, we would still be ok. Now, we truly are losing our home and everything on board.

Since then, we've booked another flight, only to have it cancelled. Three times, we have been attempting to get there. We are beyond frustrated. We have to keep trying. So far, we have another flight booked for later on this week.

In order to maintain some degree of sanity, we try to keep a routine. We are doing the best we can for our children at present. Keeping somewhat of a school routine, taking them on outings, and keeping up a strong front for them. However, it is a huge challenge to do so. The other morning, I just lost it and couldn't keep myself together any longer. My children comforted me, which made me feel worse. I am supposed to stay strong and I failed.

We have received word that our insurance marine surveyor is on the island and will get to the boats 'when he can'. We have no idea when he will get to ours or how long it will take for them to get back to us. We think it will be totaled, as the starboard half is submerged and gets even more so each day. Water is already into the saloon. I get sick at the thought of this. After all the hard work to get to this sailing life and now it has been taken away, before we even got started. We literally had 5 days. DAYS! Ugh.

So now what?

We are not making any plans at this time. We are just trying to survive from one minute to the next. Earlier today, I found myself crumbling and I had to talk myself through the next few minutes. Doesn't that sound crazy to you? Sometimes, it just overwhelms me and it is all I can do to focus and get through it. These waves of anxiety and stress are so hard to struggle through. Friends remind us to breathe and that it will be ok. The rational side of me knows this. However, I find it hard to breathe, literally,  and the feeling in my stomach just won't go away. Jared and I are going back and forth from being the supporter to being in need of support.

It then reminds me of an article someone posted on one of the BVI facebook groups about hurricane victims and what they go through. Yep, totally checked off all those indicators. Then, I get angry with myself for getting so low. This is NOT me. I am the "chin up and deal with it" kind of girl, not this emotional wreck of a person. Perhaps, this is a teaching moment, or an opportunity to grow from this experience. See, there is my rational and positive side coming through.

So, we take the days as they come, deal with whatever photos and news comes through from those on the island. We try to remind ourselves that we are fortunate. We have our family and are together. We are insured and will get through this. Still, it is very hard to deal with.

Despite all these emotions and despair, we do have some hope. We know that once things are settled, we can find a new boat and start anew. We are not giving up just yet.