Moving Forward

FYI, this is a pretty depressing post. It's our blog, meant to record our life as it happens. This is as real as it gets.

In all honesty, it has been a tough few weeks. Since Irma passed, we had thought our boat was repairable and looked forward to returning to the islands and helping out where needed. Jared flew out to Puerto Rico with a lot of supplies and was waiting for a vessel to take him over the next day.
He was going to deliver the supplies, secure our boat, rescue Sunshine (our dog) and help out as needed. We should learn to stop making plans.

Maria was forming and heading our way. The second hurricane within a week. Another Cat 5. Jared flew back to Maine, where we are staying temporarily with friends to wait out the storm. He booked a flight to head back a few days after.

It was during this waiting period we got word that Maria had caused further damage and our boat was now sinking. It had come off the seawall and the starboard side was going under. Someone had stolen all our fenders and who knows what else off the boat.  Despite all efforts to contact the marina and a salvage company, no one would help us. We've called, emailed, texted and nothing. The only response is "maybe we can get to it, but no promises". The marina manager stated they could not move any boats without a surveyor signing off. Our previous surveyor was on site and could do the job, but our insurance denied this, stating they had to use their own. This delay caused us to lose our home!

If something had been done to secure RoundAbout before Maria hit, we would still be ok. Now, we truly are losing our home and everything on board.

Since then, we've booked another flight, only to have it cancelled. Three times, we have been attempting to get there. We are beyond frustrated. We have to keep trying. So far, we have another flight booked for later on this week.

In order to maintain some degree of sanity, we try to keep a routine. We are doing the best we can for our children at present. Keeping somewhat of a school routine, taking them on outings, and keeping up a strong front for them. However, it is a huge challenge to do so. The other morning, I just lost it and couldn't keep myself together any longer. My children comforted me, which made me feel worse. I am supposed to stay strong and I failed.

We have received word that our insurance marine surveyor is on the island and will get to the boats 'when he can'. We have no idea when he will get to ours or how long it will take for them to get back to us. We think it will be totaled, as the starboard half is submerged and gets even more so each day. Water is already into the saloon. I get sick at the thought of this. After all the hard work to get to this sailing life and now it has been taken away, before we even got started. We literally had 5 days. DAYS! Ugh.

So now what?

We are not making any plans at this time. We are just trying to survive from one minute to the next. Earlier today, I found myself crumbling and I had to talk myself through the next few minutes. Doesn't that sound crazy to you? Sometimes, it just overwhelms me and it is all I can do to focus and get through it. These waves of anxiety and stress are so hard to struggle through. Friends remind us to breathe and that it will be ok. The rational side of me knows this. However, I find it hard to breathe, literally,  and the feeling in my stomach just won't go away. Jared and I are going back and forth from being the supporter to being in need of support.

It then reminds me of an article someone posted on one of the BVI facebook groups about hurricane victims and what they go through. Yep, totally checked off all those indicators. Then, I get angry with myself for getting so low. This is NOT me. I am the "chin up and deal with it" kind of girl, not this emotional wreck of a person. Perhaps, this is a teaching moment, or an opportunity to grow from this experience. See, there is my rational and positive side coming through.

So, we take the days as they come, deal with whatever photos and news comes through from those on the island. We try to remind ourselves that we are fortunate. We have our family and are together. We are insured and will get through this. Still, it is very hard to deal with.

Despite all these emotions and despair, we do have some hope. We know that once things are settled, we can find a new boat and start anew. We are not giving up just yet.

Just 'Tri'

This post is about how I learned a great life lesson from my 10 year old. But first, the story...

Yesterday, Matthew participated in his first triathlon.
The Pacific Grove Triathlon, Sprint Distance.
It is a .25 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike ride, and 2 mile run.
He never showed any signs of nervousness, only excitement and the anticipation of adventure. After all, Jared does these things all the time, and I've done a few half-marathons over the past couple of years, so it was only natural that the kids would want to follow in our footsteps.

I, on the other hand, was the nervous one. No, that's an understatement. This mama was worried about her little one out swimming the ocean and racing with all the older participants. And sharks. Matthew, who is 10, was the youngest competitor. My only consolation, was that Jared would be racing with him. At least having his dad out there to watch out for him, made me feel a little better.

The morning of, Jared woke up with a 100 degree temp, so this meant he would not be racing. Matt would be all on his own. However, he did agree that while he didn't feel well, he would go down and help Matt get his transition area set up.

Matt was in the first "wave", which included all the other males aged 19 and under, as well as the relay group. Matt was the youngest and smallest. This did not matter to him. He maintained his calm yet excited demeanor the entire time. I must have shown what I was feeling (I really did try and keep my worried-mama feelings to myself) because he said "Mom, I really want to do this. I can do it!". While waiting for the starting signal, he went into the sea to warm up and get himself in the zone. At 8:40am, the announcer started the countdown and they were off! Among the crowd of people, I could barely make out Matt as he dove in and began the swim portion of the race. Now this is the part I was most stressed about, being out there in the water with hundreds of other people. I've seen in past events, where people swim over others, and one gets kicked, hit, slapped, and water flies everywhere as racers try to swim as fast as they can. My biggest worry was that Matt would get hurt out there, despite Jared reassuring me that there were divers, kayakers, and other life guard personnel out in the water keeping an eye on things. About 8 minutes later, we see Matt coming towards shore and I let out a relieved breath. He made it! As he exited the water, a huge wave of excitement washed over me and we all cheered as he made his way to the transition area for the bike portion. Jared ran off to help Matt, and so Zach, Cadence, and I ran over to the exit area to watch Matt take off on the bike portion of the race.
Zach and Cadence took turns ringing the little bell and we cheered Matt on as he completed both laps on his bike. As he was coming in to the transition area for the run portion, we raced off to the next starting point to see him off on the final leg of the race. As Matt emerged from the transition area, we stood by cheering and Zach ran over to give him a hug. What a sweet moment! The rest of the race went well and we were all so excited for him as he ran past the finish line earning his medal. He had a huge smile on his face the entire time!

He was not tired and said "I feel great! I could do this again"! Ah, to have the energy of a child... He skipped off to get his chocolate milk and other race completion goodies. One racer looked over at him and said to me, "He did the entire thing"? "Yep", I replied, looking on with pride.
We were then alerted to the fact that Matt earned 1st place for his division, so we walked back to the awards area for his announcement, medal, and photo on the block.
So the great life lesson I learned from all of this? To just try.  To follow your dreams and achieve those goals; not let fear get in the way and ignore the "what ifs". It's not easy for me. I am both a worrier and a planner. But now, I am going to try and relax a little and go more with the flow.
After seeing Matthew complete this race, and my other two asking to do it next year with their brother, I am realizing that my kids totally get the bigger picture: just try. Look for the fun and adventure, instead of worrying about what could go wrong. They have the right idea. 

So about cruising? Of course I am excited about this trip. The time with our family, exploring various parts of this world, and all of the adventure that goes with. 

I do still worry a little about the things that could go wrong, however, not as much as before. We will plan and prepare the best we can and  most of all, just enjoy it one day at a time.